-Genesis Project
Why Won't He Wear A Condom and What You Can do About It?
This past holiday, Santa bought me an iPhone. I say Santa did it to cover up my gadget obsession. So, here I am in the pedestrian town of New York City with this beautiful piece of machinery (I did say I was a gadget nut, right?) all wrapped up with a hard shell case and a protective film for the screen. It's like Fort Knox around my phone and I hate to look at every protected inch. Part of the enjoyment of the phone is being able to experience the craftsmanship in design the folks at Apple put into the device.
Now, this isn't a plug for Mac lovers, but my wrapped up iPhone experience got me thinking about how many things in my life have to be protected, from my gadgets up to my body. I also thought about the many excuses not to protect my assets: I like the way it looks uncovered; it's bulky when it's protected; it takes the fun out of playing with my toy, etc.
Sure, I want to play with everything in its natural state, but what if I get bumped unexpectedly, trip up a stair, accidentally make a wrong move, or slip up and what I'm trying to protect goes flying toward unrepairable damage?
The fact is, despite my desire to go unprotected, it just has to be done. I remember what my mom always told me: It's not the what is's that we protect ourselves from, it's the what ifs. And those what ifs can have a huge impact on our entire lives if we're not careful (and I'm not just talking about an unfortunate fall of an iPhone on concrete). Our health can fall victim to a number of unwelcome crashes if we don't protect our bodies.
When it comes to health and sex, I often here reasons why guys either refuse to use a condom or let others explore without protection. Here are the top excuses that many of us have heard and your strategy for practicing safer sex and staying protected:
What He Says: "I Can't Stay Erect"
What You Do: Offer The Alternative
Any man that tells you that he can't stay erect with a condom on or is allergic to latex and still asks you to have unprotected sex with him is lying. A man that actually has a diagnosed aversion to latex should already know that there are alternatives to latex condoms, such as these non-latex brands. And if he is telling the truth and asks you to hit the sack without a wrap, then believe he doesn't have your best interest in mind.
There are men, however, who are allergic to latex. That's why they make prophylactics that are latex free, but just as effective at protecting you from HIV or STDs. Keep both varieties of latex and non-latex condoms in your stash just in case. And if you're traveling for an adventure, add a latex-free alternative to your bag.
What He Says: "I'm Clean"
What You Do: Get Proof
Our external health (or the perception of) doesn't always match what's going on inside. Many STDs, including HIV, don't show on the outside, even though they can be transmitted. So, the next time you see a guy that "looks clean," don't assume they are STD free. It may be awkward, but ask for his safer sex license or for proof of his recent test results. Don't take his word at face value, even if he is a sweet and trustworthy guy. And always side with caution by using a condom.
What He Says: "It'll Ruin The Mood"
What You Do: Incorporate Condoms Into Foreplay
Pausing for contraceptives can kill a bedroom buzz; that is if you don't prepare for it. The mood is what you make it. Keep the condoms close by. Practice opening the package quickly to avoid a cumbersome unwrapping. Ask him to help you put it on. Get creative with how you present it. Incorporating condoms into the moment can add to foreplay, as opposed to cutting through the mood.
- Using Fantasy To Improve Your Sex Life
- How To Achieve Male Multiple Orgasms
- Do You Need to Spice Things Up in the Bedroom?
What You Do: Get The Facts Yourself
There are certain things we can trust to our friends' advice, like recipes and movies and car buying experiences. When it comes to your health, do your own research and make sure you are getting information from reputable sources. STDs like HIV and herpes are one hit wonders. Once you get them there is no going back. Why leave that up to chance and gossip?
What He Says: Anal Is The Only Way
What You Do: Show Him Another Road To Paradise
There is more than one way to the sexual promise land. Some guys do think that anal is the only way to a good time, but there are alternatives, such as intercrural or oral sex. There are also a number of toys that can add spice into the bedroom. If anal isn't your thing, get creative.
- Anal Sex Alternatives: Non-Penetrative Sex
- Learn About, Choosing, Buying, and Using Male Sex Toys
- Myth: All Gay Men Have Anal Sex
By Ramon Johnson, About.com
9 comments:
I went and got tested last night. I was surprised and saddened at what the nurse told me. She asked how old I was and I told her. She then said you are 32 and you still have not contracted HIV. This was very shoking to me. I told her I have not contracted HIV because I take precautions. Guys please be play safe. There have been times that I haven't always done the right thing, but I have been lucky. When you get caught up in the moment a condom is sometimes the last thing you worry about, but make it your priority. The consequences are life changing. . . Okay, okay I am done with the soap box :)
This blog is lame. There seems to be only stories about safe sex on here. Even the stories about other things some how have at least a small mention of safe sex. Not that it isn't an important subject and that the intentions aren't beyond good, but this is only contributing to the stereotypical notion that ignorant (or inexperienced as I like to say) "outsiders" often have that gay men only care about sex or that gays are the only ones who can contract HIV (the reference to HIV testing every other story seems to have). I know that these type of articles are important and that GP has to do this to secure their state funding. However, I doubt it would hurt to feature positive things different gays in the area are doing. For example, I know of gay man in the area is a very talented classical musician and is planning a performance tour next summer. I know another who is very good at photography and just won a photo contest. And these are to just name a few. I know there are great things that others in the area are doing and achieving and it would be great to feature things like that. At least then if an "outsider" happens to come across this site, he'll see that homosexuals aren't all about sex and trying not to catch HIV, but are full of so many diverse abilities and talents.
I remember one time I went to a presentation about using a condom at the Utah AIDS Foundation in Salt Lake City. I think we all get carried away fearing and worrying about catching HIV. But as they pointed out, HIV is only one of a million different diseases you can catch and can prevent by using a condom. Some of these are curable and some aren't. But all them are miserable and often absolutely gross. They even showed us pictures of what some of these diseases look like down there. Let's just say that it was not easy to hold the refreshments they had just fed us down. Seriously guys, HIV is not the only reason why one should wear a condom.
Great Comments Tyler, I agree. HIV gets a lot of attention, mainly because its is the most threating virus that can be prevented by a condom. Its important to remember though when you use a condom that you are protecting yourself from a multitude of infections, all of which are important to be aware of.
Anonymous I agree that a lot of the postings on here focus on HIV, testing, and Safe-Sex, I am not surprised given a main goal of our project is HIV prevention, and we do it as part of state requirements, but mainly because its important for us to act a community speaker on the subject. However we also do want to recognize other things in the community and people. It sounds like you have a lot of information on the community, and the accomplishments of some of our community members. We would love to hear more details and to recognize these individuals, and their community efforts on our blog. Please feel free to submit stories you feel relevant, and we will be more then willing to post them, after reviewing them.
Derrick
Stories about safe sex is important!! Especially right now. Over the last 12 months there have been 30 confirmed cases of HIV in the area, so it is obvious that it needs to be discussed. We cannot brush it under the rug or just pretend that the gay community is not having sex. It is great that there are gay men out there being successful in life that is a great honor, but GP is a prevention program. HIV will change your life forever and until we start talking about more and more we as a gay community in southeast Idaho will continue to avoid the topic or just brush it under the carptet.
Well Said Smitty. I wonder if a lot the upset feelings about our high emphasis at Genesis Project on HIV is a result of stigma's of HIV, or maybe we as community our not ready to face the truth, that we our just as vulnerable as any other community in the world. We may not have the population, or the highest number of people infected with HIV in our local community in comparison to other cities, but HIV has continued to rise in the our community. In the last two years there has been more then a 25% rate increases in infection here. Which causes me to wonder, is it because it is becoming more of reality for people that we are trying to deny its insistence or the importance of prevention? I think we should all take a real hard look at why prevention education is so important, and what would happen if we stop educating and talking about safe-sex, stop trying to get this message out there. I think the consequences are clear, but are we ready to deal with this as a community head on, or are we going to avoid the problem until it is so large, it can no longer be ignored.
(Please Note: I do care deeply about those infected with HIV, and I think they our equal as anyone, and I would not my prevention messages to speak otherwise. However I think most can agree, even those who our infected with HIV/AIDS that prevention should be happening, and no one wants to live with HIV/AIDS if they can avoid it)
I think featuring stories about members of our community and other newsworthy material is a great idea! We are not always aware of everything, so if you have suggestions, I would encourage you to email us, so we can review and feature appropriate stories!
Still, HIV/STD prevention is always going to continue to be our focus. Reinforcement messages of prevention practices are an important way to stress the relevance of the very real HIV/STD issue that exists within our community and the necessary precautions everyone should be taking to avoid exposure.
But we are always open to new ideas!
Thanks, Anonymous.
Jesse
p.s. Great responses Derrick and Smitty. I agree 100%
I tend to disagree about featuring stories about members. There are some that would never be featured. I think that it would be unfair. GP is not a popularity contest to see who is the most successful or what is going on in their life. Although accomplishments are great to share and be proud of, I do not think this is the forum to do it in.
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